The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People-Pleasing, Reclaim Your Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want: A Simple Plan to Stop People ... Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

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Her advice has been featured in the New York Times, Forbes, NPR, USA Today, and the BBC, among many others. Look them in the eye, avoid being smiley, and state your ‘no’ in a clear and unwavering way, then break off eye contact to make it clear the conversation’s over. Daarom lijkt dit boek me uitermate geschikt voor mij om bewuster te worden van mijn gedrag, de achtergrond daarvan én hoe ik dit gedrag kan veranderen. She went to a second rate school in London for a degree in industrial design and decided to start podcasting about boundaries.

While we're all capable of mixing up our flavors on occasion, we tend to have a primary modus operandi – our go-to flavor. Registered office: Bda Associates Limited Annecy Court, Ferry Works, Summer Road, Thames Ditton, Surrey, England, KT7 0QJ. A six-step framework then teaches you how to discover the healing and transformative power of no toestablish healthier boundaries,foster more intimate relationships and fulfilling experiences, andreconnect with your values and authentic self. Use the broken record technique, repeating your refusal in exactly the same way until your boss accepts it. Using questioning techniques demonstrates that you’re not being difficult, and that it’s not that you don’t want to do it, but that you value your time sufficiently to not be able to just drop everything and say ‘yes’.

She’s the author of The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want and for 8 years hosted The Baggage Reclaim Sessions podcast. Den Begriff kannte ich vorher nicht, aber auch allgemein habe ich einiges gelernt, was ich mir auch direkt markiert habe. If you have a parent, friend, *someone* in your life that feels perpetually disappointed in you and maybe even feels entitled to make their feelings and issues your problem, it’s okay to say no to this malarkey.

The idea of saying no or setting healthy boundaries may seem frightening to you now, and you might not have the slightest clue of who’d you be without your underlying people pleasing tendencies. Author Natalie Lue was only 28 years old when she received the news, after 18 months of shuttling from doctor to doctor, department to department, test to test. Says organisational psychologist Jane Piper, author of Focus in the Age of Distraction: “It is easy to get sucked into a vortex of working long hours if it is part of the culture, and start to believe it is the only way to get to the top.CG: What are some common ways you hear people trying to say no but phrasing it in a people-pleasing way? Especially if you have issues with boundaries, enmeshment, and overbearing family members, I can see this book being very helpful for you! People pleasing behaviors might originate from a similar origin but that doesn’t mean all people pleasers operate the same way.

The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People-Pleasing, Reclaim Your Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want: A Simple Plan to Stop People . Going into a new semester, it made me think about how giving 100% can look different in different circumstances and that’s okay! I suppose I was looking for something that would keep me from taking on roles where I know that I don’t have the time, bandwidth or proper associates to help balance the work. Instead of ‘yes, whatever you want is fine’ I’ve learned to reflect on episodes of my past where others have controlled me in a subtle way. Even though they may have people they genuinely love and care about in their lives, people pleasers often unwittingly keep themselves at a distance because they’re always deprioritizing themselves and not being fully honest about their needs.I think the basic boundaries of having rights and responsibilities to ourselves being erased is why there has been such a murky relationship with consent. The “Efforter” says Yes to all demands and gives 100 per cent before realising they are over-committed. I think we are so engrained in busy culture and hustle culture that we can think we aren’t doing enough, but it’s not worth your mental health to overextend yourself. NL: I’ve been a recovering people pleaser since 2005, but it took a few years into my journey before I fully registered that this is what I was doing. I had no idea there were different types of people pleasers but I’m here to say I identify fully with at least three and a half of them.

The Joy of Saying No promises to give new life back to readers by establishing boundaries, recognizing patterns, and inviting reflection. Most of our PDFs are also available to download and we're working on making the final remaining ones downloadable now. Saying yes when we need, want to or should say no leaves us stuck in frustrating and destructive patterns. As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people.

There isn’t a tipping point of people pleasing where you finally start reaping the rewards and you’re set free to be yourself. There may be certain people or situations where your patterning runs deeper, which is what we’ll explore next: identifying your people pleasing type.