"FHM" Ladies' Confessions

Product Information

I began each interview with the rather strange but fruitful question: “Do you consider yourself to be a man?” Tangina! Ano ba tong si sir! Na-inlove na yata sakin! Shit! Ano bang ginawa ko?! Parang may kilig din sakin kahit papaano. Gago ka, Janine! Hindi pwede! Hindi tama tong na-fefeel mo! But I can see it from his damn eyes! Iba yung pagkakasabi ni Lt. Pagkalinawan. Talagang galing sa puso! Nasapol niya ako kaagad! he didn’t say what the effects were, I was reminded of Hogarth’s rake, who, at the end of his adventures, finds himself rejected and despised by his community, as well as depleted and impoverished by his own excesses. May nagawa po kasi akong unethical thing with my co-nurse. Ngayon, gusto na nila akong itapon sa ibang hospital.” I want to make a game out of initiating sex in public places, where some earn more points than others."

He turned me around. Magkaharap na kami. Nakatungo ang ulo pero he raised my chin up para magtagpo mga mata namin. We both had teary eyes. Nagtitigan lang kami. And then, he was slowly removing my PPE. From top to bottom, hinubad niya ito. Naka scrub suit na lang ako at naka mask. Sir was wearing his din pero naka army clothes siya. My head began going up and down on it. Mabagal lang. Nilalasap ko every skin on it. Lumilikot dila ko habang naglalabas-masok ito sa bunganga ko. I was filling it with my own saliva. In and out, in and out. Nabaliw ako sa titi ni sir. Ang sarap niyang kainin! Hayok na hayok ako! Naabutan ko siyang naka military sando at boxers lang habang kumakain ng almusal niya. He has a great body! Morenong moreno at may katangkaran si sir! I'd been catching that bus to work for a year. I saw the same few faces get on and off the bus at 6am each morning. It was usually the same driver, too. At 6 a.m. sex was the last thing on my mind. Then I saw him, a tall blond, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then he walked down the bus and sat in front of me. Tomorrow, I promised myself, I'll wear something gorgeous and change at work. He was still on the bus when I got off. He probably didn't even notice me. But he sure noticed me the next day. I frequently flirt heavily with strangers to make sure I've still got it, even though I'm in love."I thought it would hurt less to tell someone I had too much on my plate at work and school than to admit that I no longer found him attractive." I was processed as a patient there at dinala ko sa isang room na nasa ground floor lang. Nagtataka ako dahil bakit ako dinala doon, eh, puro military lang ang priority nila. But I settled in at naghintay sa papasok na nurse. Madami din kasi akong gustong itanong. Before that, I called my family first para i-update sila. I was feeling ok naman, may low-grade fever lang. So, nag-rest muna ako sa bed para hindi lumala symptoms. Kandiyoti, Deniz. “The Paradoxes of Masculinity”. In Dislocating Masculinity, edited by Andrea Cornwall and Nancy Lindisfarne. London: Routledge, 1994.

Nakatingin siya sa mga mata ko. Ang kaninag malulungkot na mga mata ay biglang nag-iba. Sincere na ito. I really felt the appreciation on his eyes. Parang may kakaibang spark nang nagkatitigan kami ni Lt. Pagkalinawan. Magkahawak pa din kami ng kamay. Hinihimas-himas ng thumb niya yung kamay ko. Nahihiya ako na parang may nag-uudyok sakin na kakaiba. Ewan ko, ang hirap i-explain. Laura Gowing, “Language, Power and the Law: Women’s Slander Litigation in Early Modern London”, in (...) Nurse, pasensya ka na kanina ah. I didn’t mean to scare you. Sinabi ko lang yung totoo. Huwag mo sanang ikagalit.” I was constantly sexually suggestive to my ex-boyfriend's roommate, and it would get me so hot and bothered, I'd immediately need my ex to do me in the closest possible proximity to the roommate." point is here that if social discourse is a masculine discourse, and if men enjoy a structural advantage, why would we find within this admittedly small but representative sample of British men such reticence towards society and its expectations? If being a man brought benefits in terms of enjoyment, self-expression and prestige, why do the great majority of interviewees not seem to feel them? Why is there so often a feeling of dispirited resignation when talking of life within social structures and a wild elation, however transitory, at any departure from those structures? There might be indications that social discourse and structures in Britain are not or are no longer especially ‘masculine’. For example, the popular and academic discourse which presents masculine emotion as ‘autistic’ might be seen as a fundamental shift of social discourse; in the past, emotional reserve or reticence was considered to be a sign of masculine strength and the expression of powerful emotions was associated with ‘female’ hysteria. Could this be taken as a sign that the masculine linguistic hegemony, which feminist writers such as Françoise Héritier and Mary Daly 86 considered so universal, has been lost? We can also point to the emergence of counter-cultural movements in Britain since the 1960s, such as Mods, Skinheads and Punks. As Fiona MacDonald points out in The Graffiti Subculture, 87 these movements have traditionally been interpreted in the light of Marxist analysis as forms of social protest, which ignores the fact that they are also predominantly masculine movements. In “Girls and Subculture”, the British sociologists Angela McRobbie and Jenny Garber argue that women do not create their own subcultures. 88 If this is the case, could this be an indication that it is above all men who are unhappy with social structures? And, once again, could this be an indication that social discourse is not necessarily ‘masculine’ or constructed in the interest of men?

La revue

Actually, hindi na nila ko pinapapasok ngayon. Nakiusap lang ako for one last day para makapagpaalam sa patients ko.”, told him while writing my notes.

Gumanti si Lt. Pagkalinawan at dumapo naman sa aking pwet ang kanyang kamay. He gently gave it a squeeze while mashing it with his manly palm. Sinilid niya nag kanyang gitnang daliri sa loob na panty ko. Traced the lining from my butthole pababa sa pussy ko. It stayed there for a while, hindi kumikilos hanggang sa magsimula itong maglikot sa ibabaw ng hiyas ko. He was spreading its wetness around the labia. Yes, kanina pa namamasa puki ko! I'm worried that we pushed things too far too fast, but I don't know if we can survive toning it down between the sheets." Grabe! Inabot ako ng 12 hours sa facility! Pagod na pagod ako nung nakauwi ako samin. I immediately took a bath para hindi ako makapagkalat ng virus sa bahay namin. Kapag umuuwi ako, sinasabihan ko parents ko na magkulong muna kwarto para hindi nila ko datnan. After shower lang ako nagpapakita sa kanila. But of course, naka mask pa din ako for added precaution. Mahirap na dahil parehong senior citizen na ang parents ko. And I am the breadwinner sa family. May kapatid akong dalawa pero mas bata sakin. So, they’re all depending on me.The expression “new laddism” is used, especially by sociologists, to distinguish the phenomenon that arose in the 1990s from the earlier notion of young working class masculinity as described by Paul Willis in Learning to Labour. I’m ok na, nurse. Wala nakong nararamdaman. Though, kaunti pa din ang panlasa ko pero it’s getting better. Thanks to you!”, he smiled. There was an awkward silence after that. Walang nagkikibuan. Nakatingin lang si Lt. Pagkalinawan sakin habang nag-aayos ako ng mga gamit. Papaalis na sana ako nang bigla niya akong pinigilan sa kamay. Shet! Ano nanaman to?! Nakatayo lang siya sa likod ko habang kinakausap ako. Hindi ko siya nililingon dahil wala akong mukhang mapakita. Kahit taklob ako ng PPE suit at protective gears, hindi ko siya kayang harapin. So, I just didn’t answer him. Nagpatuloy lang ko sa mga ginagawa ko. Nagsulat din nga mga notes. Gusto ko nang bilisan para mabawasan naman ang pagkahiya ko. I chated on my ex, and that's why we broke up. My boyfriend of 2 years doesn't know because I don't want him to think I would do it again."