Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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From the author: “You cannot save your marriage if one person is actively not participating in the marriage. it gives an illusion of empowerment,that deceives people unto believing they are stronger and therefore safer, its a faux (short lived) form of empowerment. It's Tracy Schorn providing tough love to all the individuals in the world who have partners that have betrayed them by being unfaithful.

Because it’s not just that the earth opened up and swallowed up everything you hold dear, like some natural disaster. You feel better for a little bit because endorphins are released then a few days later you are back to being unhappy its similar to a coffee high,the effect only lasts a short while. I doubt the author would claim that a cheater could never change, but it seems clear that she believes it is so rare that it is a near-fantasy. The decision of a lower income Chump to follow this advice could lead to tremendous hardship and stress.More than a mere guidebook to picking up the pieces, this book is both a testament to the power of honest self-reckoning and an empowerment manifesto for those who refuse to be ‘chumped’ again.

From the author: “I liken successful reconciliation to a unicorn—a mythical creature that I want to believe in, but that is rarely sighted.

Tracy gives an excellent overview of both the cheater and their lame excuses, sense of entitlement, and the reasons why a chump stays and works on things - both things you will need to understand to help you process everything that has happened/is happening. From the author: “I tend to divide cheaters into two camps: those who attempt remorse and those who step over your crumpled, sobbing body and go fix themselves a Hot Pocket. Like every marriage, there were likely problems and you probably contributed to some of them, but none of that justifies their choice to cheat.

Throw in some blameshifting and minimization after discovery ('You drove me to it,' 'I don’t see what the big deal is'), and you’ve got quite an assemblage of mindf***ery. You didn’t break your vows and you’re perfectly within your rights to walk, even if your cheater desperately wants another chance. It takes hard work from both sides and a lot of communication but I can confidently say that our relationship is much better now than it was prior to discovery. She has a knack for just the kind of no-nonsense straight talk the partners of entitled vow-trashers need to put their lives back together after being cheated on. But Tracy Schorn (aka Chump Lady) lampoons such blameshifting and puts the focus squarely on the-cheated-upon (chumps) and their needs.I wish you all the best and hope that life gives you the opportunity to experience true forgiveness and restoration of faith and trust in people.

The author copied my review on her blog with a personal response that set the tone for the storm of reaction from her online followers. Another stated, "The pain I feel now after my husband's affair is worse than the discovery of my daughter's molestation. And then it gives you really practical, non-sugar-coated advice about how to survive and what to do next. I agree with everything Tracy Schorn says, I get all her references, and all my decisions happen to be in line with her advice.but because so many were personal, vicious, and without any interest in actually listening to another point of view. I think you should probably have been taking active steps long ago to assume control of your life and leave someone who obviously has no interest in loving you or keeping his marriage. Schorn is a Methodist-preacher’s-kid turned Episcopalian, but this book isn’t designed with religion in mind, and some Christians will no doubt be turned off by the ample profanity.