I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

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Others see this dramatic person - who, like an actor, takes on different roles in different situations - as manipulative and calculating.

This book goes on to then make out all BPD cases to be ones of an attention-seeking, narcissistic, irrational, etc. My biggest beef is that he portrays people with a BPD diagnosis as irrational, sociopathic, narcissistic monsters.Also, Empathy should be expressed in a neutral way with minimal personal reference to the speaker’s own feelings. Utilizing language like that to describe a patient's guilt, placing the responsibility of violence on the victim/survivor rather than the abuser.

Popularized by a psychologist who wrote a book about BPD for partners and family, the phrase "I hate you, don't leave me" has been used to describe this pattern of splitting. They begin to sabotage the relationship, blowing miniscule events and problems out of proportion, blaming you for things when you did nothing wrong, giving you contradictory messages, and leaving you in a no-win situation where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.I'd already done some quite intensive reading on BPD so a lot of this was familiar, but there was some interesting new things.

Little to no real coping, strategy’s or insights of interpersonal relations like the title and intro suggest. If you or someone you know often experiences this dichotomous way of thinking, you might be confused by the patterns in your relationships.For example, this book points out that those with sexual trauma and BPD have a higher likelihood of dealing with gender dysphoria.

The authors mention, in several places, the connection between insecure (anxious) attachment and BPD. He mentions that bpd is commonly found in people who have a history of sexual assault and childhood trauma. But, when these normal ups and downs become more intense and erratic, it can leave you feeling bitter, angry, and even helpless. This is not the place to go into why that particular brand of social analysis is little more than right-wing fetishism of the 50s and conspiracy-grade nonsense, but I at least wanted to point it out. Rather than exploring how BPD patients self-destructive behaviors and possible histories of past physical abuse lead them to stay in abusive relationships, the authors circumvent those aspects with sentences like "provoking" violence and focus on substance abuse.Lots of stuffing, assumptions socially without considering other factors and stating them as facts with assumption state data is being truthful. Even as you view this person as constantly changing, they seem to view you the same way, though with no real justification. You meet someone to whom you are powerfully drawn, a person with whom you can be completely open and comfortable, and who seems to feel the same way with you. Yet, as you hold this person close, compassionately rescuing them from the isolation they fear, they may then harshly and unappreciatively shove you aside in favor of someone who treats them terribly. The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice.